


This Conflict, It Tears

by rkdawg



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-01-07 09:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18407543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rkdawg/pseuds/rkdawg
Summary: Steve accidentally hits Tony with his shield during a skirmish with some Hydra lackeys. Tony had been hoping to simply coexist peacefully beside Steve (and therefore Barnes) with the reformed Avengers team, but now that he has Steve's attention, it's going to be harder than ever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a while, but I'm using this as a form of therapy, so I aim to stick with it. 
> 
> Minimum of 6 chapters, but perhaps longer depending on themes as I would like to delve into PTSD (which I have) and a whole range of other issues that these boys have (for realism's sake/staying in character).
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Tony crashed heavily into the ground, his vision blurring as sharp pain flared from the back of his head. The metallic scent of blood flooded his helmet as nausea threatened to overwhelm him. Groaning while he flipped over onto his back, Tony forced down bile to rasp, "F.R.I.D.A.Y, please tell me I didn't just take a missile to the back of the head."

  
The interface lit up on his visor's screen as the female A.I. replied, not without a hint of cheek.

  
"You did not take a missile to the back of the head. You were, however, struck in the occipital region by the captain's shield."

  
Needing a moment to process this, Tony yelled out in surprise when his supposed attacker popped up right before his eyes. Steve squatted down to get closer, his concern and guilt plain even with the cowl on.

  
"Tony, I am so, so sorry. I tried to deflect some sort of laser, but it sent my shield flying, well, into you. Can you stand?"

  
Tony nodded without thinking and paid for it when pain exploded behind his eyes. Hissing between clenched teeth, he leaned heavily into Steve as he was propped up into a seated position. The captain looked him over, cursing when saw the deep indent on the back of Tony's helmet. Steve barked orders into his communicator, his authoritative tone becoming frantic as Tony began to teeter to one side.

  
The last thing Tony remembered was the thought, "Cap just said a naughty word."

 

* * *

  
  
Groaning as artificial light beamed all around him, Tony blinked rapidly as he took in the S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital room from where he lay. Regular beeps sounded from his bedside, and an intravenous* tube was stuck securely in the crook of his arm. His battle suit stood in the nearby corner, a little scratched up but mostly fine barring the helmet. The dull ache in the back of his head further reminded him of what he had now dubbed, "The Rogering", much to his own amusement.

  
When Dr Helen Cho walked into the room, Tony was quick to assert that his injury really wasn't that bad. To his surprise, she agreed, but stated that she had been called in personally by a very apologetic Steve Rogers. Once she finished doing a final check-up and freed him from the drip and heart monitor, Helen ran through the usual doctor's orders. Giving his most charming smile, Tony promised to comply, though they both knew he wouldn't. It was almost rehearsed now, both of them just going through the motions.

  
Tony was the first to shoo the other off. "Anyway, don't you have some sort of scientific breakthrough to spearhead?"

  
Ushering her out of the room,  Tony quickly got dressed, being careful around the back of his head which was still tender. He was thankful that his Black Sabbath shirt was unharmed - he had many, but this was one of his favourites. Once suited up, Tony made a quick exit into the cool night air, giving F.R.I.D.A.Y. the driver's seat so he could relax for the short flight home.

 

* * *

  
  
Steve was waiting for him when he walked into the facility's common-room, his blonde hair still damp from a recent shower. He shot up from his seat on the couch, striding over to Tony and grasping his shoulders in a firm hold. Blue eyes roamed over Tony's face and body, rather bold for the super soldier, and Tony felt uncharacteristically tongue-tied as his cheeks flushed. When big hands gently turned his head so Steve could inspect the wound, Tony went along with it without argument. The captain sighed in relief to see that the injured area was thankfully small.

  
"I'm so sorry, Tony. I almost can't believe that even happened, to be honest."

  
Steve smiled sheepishly, and was about to continue speaking when Bucky walked in on them, his expression wary and posture tense. The sight of Barnes startled Tony, who tried to cover it up by brushing past Steve and waving dismissively at him.

  
"Don't worry about it, Cap," he called over his shoulder. "I'm just peachy. Need a shower though, so don't wait up."

  
Hurrying to his private rooms, Tony missed the hurt and confused look Steve gave him. Instructing F.R.I.D.A.Y. to keep his door locked, he bypassed the bathroom and instead headed into his workshop, intent on pushing his conflicted feelings away by focusing on science and mathematics. He had agreed to let Barnes stay here at the new facility, understanding logically that it was the Winter Soldier who had killed his parents and not the James Buchanan Barnes that Steve knew, but his emotions didn't care about any of that. Tony could admit that he was still hurt by Steve choosing Barnes over him, over _them_ , and about Steve hiding the truth about his parents' death from him.

  
Putting on some classic rock and turning it up almost obnoxiously loud, Tony ignored his growing headache and settled down at a work bench, Dum-E sidling over to wait faithfully by his side.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandwiches and deep thoughts.

Tony's headache intensified steadily until after hours of gritting his teeth through the pain, he was forced to exit his rooms to grab some painkillers. He used to keep a stash of them in his work lab, but Pepper enacted some sort of 'Keep Tony Safe, Not Stupid' protocol with F.R.I.D.A.Y. that meant any and all medications had to be in the kitchen medicine cabinet. A cabinet which was also monitored and counted daily.

  
His stomach grumbled angrily as he headed into the kitchen without turning the lights on, but Tony ignored it as he took his pills with some water. It was still dark outside, with the microwave clock glowing a  bright '04:36' on its screen. Suddenly weary, Tony rubbed at an eye with the heel of his palm and leaned heavily against the countertop. He jumped when bright light illuminated the room, blinding him momentarily.

  
Whipping his head to the side so fast that his neck protested painfully, Tony stared a little wide-eyed as Steve appeared seemingly from nowhere. His normally perfectly groomed hair was sticking up in all directions, and he was wearing a simple plain shirt with sleep pants - Steve had clearly just gotten out of bed, but his eyes were alert as they studied Tony.

  
"How's your head?"

  
Tony shrugged. "It's fine, nothing I can't handle," he lied easily, though the captain didn't look entirely convinced. Steve didn't push the subject, however, instead opening the fridge and rifling through. With his arms laden with ingredients, he transferred them to the central countertop, while also grabbing a knife and chopping board.

  
"You hungry?" Steve glanced at Tony while he sliced thinly through a tomato.

  
"Nah, I'm good." Tony's stomach rumbled again right as he said this, and Steve laughed, the sound sending a pleasant but confusing warmth through Tony's body. He ignored it in favour of picking at some lint on his shirt.

  
"I'll make you one, too - you really need to take care of yourself more."

  
Tony didn't reply this time, knowing what Steve said to be true. Grabbing a mug, he busied himself with the coffee machine, knowing from past experience that Steve was probably frowning at him for it. Spitefully, he selected a double shot of espresso, prompting Steve to ask, "Have you even slept tonight, Tony?"

  
"I slept plenty at the hospital," Tony snapped without thinking, and Steve looked like a kicked puppy. Sighing, Tony ran a hand through his own unkempt hair before switching the coffee machine off.

  
"Sorry, didn't mean it like that."

  
Pulling out a stool to sit at the counter, Tony watched as Steve continued making the sandwiches - hearty ones, with the filling a variety of colours and spilling over the edges. Steve had always made the best ones, though Clint's were a close second. When finished, Steve passed one plated sandwich over to Tony, before joining him at his side with two sandwiches of his own. He had even cut them into little triangles.

  
Eating it silence together, it almost felt like how it once was, before it all went wrong. But now there was an underlying tension, one that Tony wasn't sure would ever go away. He felt overwhelmingly aware of Steve, more than he ever was before. But most of all, Tony felt an uncertainty within himself, one that was new to him and all his natural, innate confidence, and it was frightening. It also angered him, this vulnerability - this weakness.

  
It stemmed from a lack of trust. Tony did not trust Steve the way he used to, and he wasn't sure he ever would again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mutated alligator causes a scene, and then PTSD joins in, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I have seen Endgame, it's obviously not compliant. 
> 
> So sorry for the delayed update! I had a good reason at first, and then I got writer's block for a bit! But I should be back into the swing of things now that I've decided to set up a bit of a regular schedule for writing.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

The right hook to his jaw took Steve completely by surprise, and he reeled back from the shock of it. Bucky shot him an apologetic look, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes that made Steve wary. Forcing himself to focus on the man before him, the captain carefully circled the training mat, his old friend doing the same. They traded blows easily, both familiar with each other's fighting style even if the winter soldier's influence sometimes made itself known with a sneaky, underhanded move.

  
Steve managed only another few minutes before his attention waned again, and this time he ended up stumbling forwards into nothing when Bucky neatly side-stepped him. Steve tried changing tactics to rush aggressively towards his friend, but it was sloppy, and Barnes was able to easily dodge the attack. To the captain's annoyance, Bucky had barely broken a sweat while he himself was already beginning to pant from exertion.

  
"C'mon, Bucky - what's the big idea? I thought we were gonna spar, not dance."

  
Barnes grinned. "Oh yeah? Sure you don't wanna talk about what - or who - is dancin' in your thoughts?"

  
Steve flushed red, a denial on his tip of his tongue, but he knew that his best friend would see right through it. Sighing, he craned his neck to look up at the ceiling, wondering where to start.

  
"It's Tony."

  
Humming in reply, Bucky began to stretch while he waited for Steve to elaborate.

  
"Tony and I never really talked about it, y'know? He's been acting the same, but something's a bit off. I just don't what."

  
Steve dropped down on the mat to stretch alongside Barnes, moving through the steps on autopilot. Bucky was silent for so long that Steve thought he wasn't going to reply at all, until he said, "I don't know Stark - Tony - very well, but he seems like the type to avoid conflict. Emotional ones, I mean."

  
Bucky shrugged, deliberately casual. "I killed his parents, Steve. Information that you purposefully kept from him. Honestly, I'm surprised that he is even remotely civil towards us."

  
Ever adamantly in Bucky's defense, Steve insisted, "But that wasn't you, Buck!"

  
Bucky smiled sadly. "Maybe not, but I still did it with my own hands."

 

* * *

   
  
Steve sat at the dining table, steadily making his way through the massive brunch that he and Bucky had prepared not only for themselves and Tony, but for Bruce Banner. The physicist was currently working alongside Princess Shuri and her research team in Wakanda, but he made regular visits to the Avengers compound. Bruce and Tony sat across from Steve and Bucky, but while the super soldiers stuffed their faces, the two scientists were in the midst of a heated debate about the practical applications of orichalcum (should it exist - it was all hypothetical, but their adventures over the past years had shown that anything was possible).

  
Steve cleared his throat loudly, gesturing towards the food when Tony glanced his way. With a roll of his eyes, Tony took a few more bites of his omelet, just enough to make Steve smile in approval. Somehow, this tactic had worked well enough that almost three quarters of Tony's plate was empty. The captain considered this a personal win since he knew all too well how hard it was to get a Stark to do something they didn't want to do.

  
Red lights flashed from the ceiling, sending all four of them scrambling out of their seats. Tony  gulped down the rest of his coffee before inquiring, "What's the situation, F.R.I.D.A.Y?"

  
And that was how they ended up fighting a super-mutant alligator while knee-deep in sewerage.

 

* * *

   
  
The cramped conditions of the sewer tunnels made it hard for Tony to do anything other than shoot a few energy beams whenever space opened up between Steve, Barnes, and Hulk. The two super soldiers were making a valiant effort, but their blows made little impact on the thick skin of the alligator - an alligator which was currently taking up most of the space between the walls and floor. Its massive tail swept from side to side, destabilising the foundations as bricks and rock began to fall around them. Visibility was already difficult, dark as it was, but now the dust clouds obscured Tony's view entirely.

  
The creature hissed nearby, and suddenly he was shoved into the wall as it pushed past, his Iron Man suit crushing the bricks inwards and out around his form. He heard Hulk's roar as he rushed by, and the following footsteps indicated that Rogers and Barnes were also giving chase, but it was muffled, like he was observing from a distance.

  
Tony activated the suit's torch function, but all it did was illuminate the nothingness around him.

 

* * *

   
  
Hulk had managed to knock the alligator out when he threw Steve's shield at it so hard that it ricocheted right back at him - Bucky was currently escorting a dazed Bruce back to the compound. After contacting S.H.I.E.L.D. so that they could take the creature away for safe-keeping, Steve realised that Tony was nowhere to be found.

  
He tried to contact him through the comms. "Tony? Tony, what's your status?"

  
The silence he received was alarming, so he tried F.R.I.D.A.Y. instead, who informed Steve that Tony's heart rate had accelerated, his breathing was shallow, and that he appeared to be shivering uncontrollably despite no extreme change to the temperature. Steve hastily backtracked to where he last saw the other man. He found Tony still in his suit, barely visible against the debris that was beginning to cave in around him where he was propped up against the wall.

  
"Tony!"

  
An ominous rumble echoed down the tunnels, but Tony made no indication of noticing. Forcing his way over, using his shield to make a clear path, Steve ordered, "F.R.I.D.A.Y, deactivate the suit. I've got him." When the inventor was freed, he fell heavily into the Steve's arms. Tony was shaking, cheek clammy against his own, and when Steve shifted to look into those brown eyes, it was clear that Tony's mind was anywhere but there.

  
He rushed them out of the depths of the sewer, cradling Tony against his chest and wondering how long Tony had been planning to battle post-traumatic stress all on his own.


End file.
